Hey guys, Nelson called me a bunch and told me to write an old board report. We’re awesome. But I’m not going to say anything else because you can all hear it at States & Installations, which is a required event to keep membership into Portage Trail AZA #114.
Adam “Future” Nelson (as I so lovingly dubbed him) is not the mere innocent 8th grade movie star as we all assume. There is a much deeper, darker side to the young man. This past week, after kidnapping the Future from his house, Zatch, Poldneff, T-Nelson, and Future decided we wanted to watch “V for Vendetta.” We agreed this was the correct plan of action because it would take up a lot of time and this was good because we had just locked our soon-to-be installed Godol, Matt Blum, in Poldneff’s basement. It is important to be noted that we had no intention of returning to Poldneff’s for the movie, in fact, we planned on going to Zatch’s house (Cont. On Page 9)
We then decided to get Swensons to take up even more time, and by this point we were feeling pretty guilty about leaving Matt, so we decided we would get him Swensons. He said we had to pay half of his Galleyboy for our prank on him. We agreed. Then a stroke of genius hit one of us, I think Poldneff or Tyler but I cannot remember, and we realized we should eat half of his Galleyboy.
This all was good, Blum was pissed, but then we watched “V for Vendetta.” Now, it is a sweet movie upon which I just recently stumbled, I refused to see it in theatres because Natalie Portman becomes ugly when she shaves her head. This part, however, only made the movie more dramatic. I’m not taking the time to explain the movie, but it has to do with a fascist government ruling England when the world’s in a shithole. The fascist leader of course is dubbed the title High Chancellor. When Adam watched the movie, a spark shined in the corner of his eye that only I noticed. I thought it was strange that he was somewhat excited, even aroused, by the idea of being a fascist leader. Total control seemed to please Adam, and my suspicion of his totalitarian dreams was proved correct when he went to sleep that night. I heard mutterings of “kill all those who don’t support me” and “Adam is always right” and “Strength through Unity.” It scared the crap out of me, as it should scare all of you reading this.
Now because Adam is the newspaper editor, this will probably get censored, or if he does somehow miss it in the editing process I will wake up with a bunch of big goon’s putting a black-bag over my head. I will never be seen again. This could very well be my last piece of advice I can give the chapter. Adam Nelson seeks totalitarian control over Portage Trail, the Ohio Northern Region, the United States of America, and the entire world. Do not try to oppose him, for his movies are too enjoyable. Do not try to question him, for he’s conversed with Mischa Barton. I tell you all, there is not hope. Submit to his will, and as always believe in the phrase you all soon will learn to love “Strength through Unity.”
Fraternally Submitted with Undying Love for:
My whole year as being Godol, V for Vendetta, Swensons, the Future, and my heart and home Portage Trail AZA #114.
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